Live,love,Laugh

I feel glad today. The feeling is so great that I already told Billy Nicart what i really want to say :) .
I guess we just need to be more more more open with each other, telling directly what do we really want.
"Reading between the lines" is not applicable on us haha.

So from now on, I'll do my very best to understand him and before getting mad at him ill think first and my self on his shoes. I really felt that i was a 2nd option everytime he didn't choose me. Oh I forgot I wasn't an option to him. And i must learn not be selfish. I'm already 22 but still even if i know what's the right thing to do. Emotion always eat's me that's why we always had a problem with each other.

But the feeling today that I already tell it to him. IT WAS SO GREAT!

Hay bakit ganun?? parang feeling ko lahat ng bagay ginagawa nia lang dahil ako ung nag iinsist?? when will the time na mafefeel ko na ung isang bagay eh gagawin nia dahil gusto nya hindi lang yung gagawin nia dahil ginusto ko??

Hayyyyy di ko naman inimagine na darating kame sa point na ganito parang lahat sapilitan nalang sakanya. ung sinasabi niang ok kahit para sakanya hindi naman . Lagi ko nalang syang naaway dahil sa mga bagay bagay ng feeling ko ginagawa nia lang dahil sinabi ko . na kapag di ko sinabi wala naman talaga syang balak gawin.

Kahit ayaw ko nung mga ginagawa nya di ko naman pwedeng sabihin wag yan ayoko nyan hayy ang bossy ko?hindi ko naman kasi magawang gustuhin ung gusto nia. napakaselfish ko sa part na to. perooo ayun ang bigat lang talaga sa feeling eee supppeeeerrrr.

Gusto ko ok kame lagi pero bakit lagi akong affected sa ginagawa nia? darating din naman ung time na di ko na xa papakialaman kahit kanino xa sumama . kung lagi nyang sinasabing sha mag aadjust at nasasanay na xa. oh well sa tingin nia ba ako nde nagaadjust sa kanya?? hayyyyy di ko na talaga ma explain sarili ko sakanya. parang di naman na nag woworkout to. nagkakasakitan na kame ng hindi napaguusapan ang mga bagay bagay.

Masama bang hingiin kong iprioritize nya ko??? hayyy...

I think i'm not being fair to him this days. I know that i love him. He's the one i wish to be with. He's the perfect guy who always understand me. But I couldn't tell him directly what i want. Every time he didn't get what i want him to do. I easily get mad. I also know that he has his own will, own decision to make.

But every time he wants something and i complained not to go. I always feel that i'm the evil girl for him who always forbid him. He wants to be with other people but every time he chooses to be with them I felt like he always choose other people to be with, rather than me. So what will i do? I will just say "ok go,if that's what you want". And because he want to go he didn't really understand what i really mean. In that case i couldn't tell him "i dont want you to go"," I dont want you to be with them". I couldn't tell that to him, because i know that he really wants it. That's why im being sad, It feels like there's a heavy baggage within me. I couldn't tell to him everything especially when i know that he will think that's unfair.

oh well i just write it down so that it will lessen the feeling i feel inside.

I know i am the one who has a problem. I feel so rejected everytime he says "no", "nextime","not now", "there's a time for it". Everytime we fought about my attitude I always told him that "get used to it!" . When in fact i am the one must do that. How many times did he refused? my fingers was not enough! if i count it. When will i really learn my lesson?,When will that thing sinks to my mind that "YEN don't ever asked him to stay with you!".I'll try to be nice to him and i'll try to hide my feelings from now. I swear to GOD i wont ever asked him to stay here even if how much i want to be with him coz i know that the answer would always be "NO". I always cry and my mood changes easily what the fuck!!!!. I felt i was a beggar asking for that thing whew!. OK OK OK enough for it yen. Dont asked him ever again, so that there would be no such feeling like that. 

Everyone can make you happy in your life. Some do it by walking into your life. Each and everyone we met in life has its own purpose so when they stay be thankful and be happy. Learn to appreciate all the things they've done. Sometimes there are people who were always there for us. Ready to do everything just to make us happy and yet sometimes we tend to disregard those efforts because were busy looking and giving our attention to those people whose not worth it. I had a friend who told me this : When your asking help for GOD he always answers but its up to you if you will accept those helps his giving. Be open on everything sometimes you must first used your mind rather than your heart.
Well, i guess he's right there's a lot of my friends who's giving an advice and yet i didn't take it seriously. They want me to be happy every time. I was very thankful that i have those kind of person in my life. 

Some do it by walking out. We couldn't hold on to those things/person whose meant to just pass by in our life. Even how much we want them to stay with us but if were getting hurt maybe its time to step forward without them. Waling out onto someone's life was to hard but if it already needed then let it be. Life goes on . There are the kind of person who just taught us some lessons in life :)